I'm Just Sayin'

Truth--it was Dec 22, 2008, when I decided to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. I spent the next 5 months researching it, planning it, and looking for any reason not to do it. At the end of the day me wanting to live outweighed my desperate need for the pain from grief to go away so I learned how to deal with it. That said, I went up TWICE, but as I stood on that beautiful bridge staring out towards the city I realized that life itself was too precious to toss away in just four seconds. I chose life. I still get swept up in grief from all the family losses I had from 2000-2006 but I know that bottling it up inside almost killed me so now if I feel like crying I cry. It doesn't mean that I'm weak in any way. I hope if you are grieving that you will not let it take over. Grief is powerful-way more powerful than most of us know. Also, I'll say this. No one knew that I was planning my suicide. No one. I didn't talk about. I knew that it would hurt people. I didn't care.