Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Parking Machine~A Fictional Story

Hello there, how are you tonight? I'm good, thanks so much for asking. . .oops, you didn't.

You didn't care that I have been working 24/7 for as long as I can remember. You didn't seem to notice the thick pink goo that is making it's home on my right side. You didn't say hello, you didn't say goodbye, you didn't hardly even look at me.

Your cell phone rang and you picked it up started talking and walked away from me. You talked for what seemed like hours, about your car and the fact that you were stuck behind some idiot on the 405. You didn't care enough to even glance my way as you spoke into the phone so intently.

You and your friends all laughing and carrying on, not even noticing me in right in front of you.

I do think that boyfriend of yours is a complete asshole by the way, he also didn't say hello to me, and he was checking out the blond girl's ass as you turned to answer that damn phone. His friends all joking with him about you and you are so stupid that you don't even see it. But I do see it, and I see you so gorgeous with your long brown hair walking past me every day and never even saying hello.

I have accepted that my existence and your life are destined to be trapped forever in this silence. I stand here day after day, hour after hour, no matter how cold or hot it gets and am always excited to see you, but you ignore me.

But today was different than most days, you touched me, your hand felt so good and I couldn't believe it was happening. It was like a dream, and then words came out of your mouth that I have only heard before from the top businessmen that walk past me everyday on their way to some meeting that requires all their testosterone be boiling over and spilling out into their mouth. You weaved profanity in such a way that it was almost poetic. I felt special for being in the presence of such greatness until I realized that you were yelling at me.

So I will not give you your ticket back and I am not in the mood to take the five you keep trying to shove in my mouth. You can sit in this parking lot all night long for all I care, but you can not treat me like that. I sit here every single day admiring you and your friends and then you yell at me like that?

Nope, I will not give it back. You are stuck.

Stop looking at me like that, you deserve it.

You do, I am not bending. You should have been nicer to me.

What are you doing now? Oh no, please don't cry. I can't stand it when girls cry.

Okay fine, here is the ticket back, and I even stamped it so you can leave.

What are you doing? You are kissing me. I am blushing, and I think I may overheat. You're welcome, it is always my pleasure. See you tomorrow.

The Parking Machine by Stephanie Olivieri
(inspired by true events)

Monday, September 28, 2009

Meatballs Kicking John Mcclain's Arse!

"Yippee ki yay, motherfucker!!!" ~Just Sayin'

Back in the day Bruce Willis films would dominate the box office. I am not sure if it is his age or the ridiculous premise of Surrogates, that kept him down this weekend, but I suspect it is all about Meatballs. People want a good story plain and simple. Smoke, mirrors and good looking chicks are not enough for today's demanding audience. Jennifer's dead Body was also left in the path of Meatballs.

To say that I am not a huge fan of 3D animated films would be putting it nicely. It isn't just because the 3D craze has basically ripped my career out of my hands and given to directly to computer nerds that don't know a thing about story or animation

**** Pixar being the exception to this****

I just don't like the way it looks. I actually can't stand it.

You ever meet someone and you just get that feeling? You know the one, like fingers on a chalk board that actually makes you want to jump out of your own skin? That is how I feel when I see a 3D film.

Most of us from 2D, traditional, hand drawn animation have made a transition into 3D in some way, shape or form, but I haven't. I still work in 2D animation (and of course the writing), because I just don't like the look of 3D.

This all said.


I loved it! Unlike most 3D films of late, the 3-D here enhances the story and the excellent animation, but doesn't take over. It helps the story, and the style of the story.

If you look at the sweet drawing from the book, it could have been done in 2D for sure, but they did a good job in 3D of making it not distract from the point.

Thank you Sony for making a cute 3D film that didn't make this girl want to rip her own arm off just so she would have something to throw at the screen!!

As Roger & Ebert (Siskel & Ebert) say... TWO THUMBS UP!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

A Pet Peeve Called, Pyramid

Everyone knows that writers, artists, actors, basically any creative types are usually out of money, low on funds, or skint as I like to call it. I really hate when people try to take advantage of that situation and then invite you to join a pyramid scheme. If you have to pay X amount a month and get all your friends to pay and they get their friends to do it and so forth, it is a pyramid scheme. Plain and simple.

I am so sick to death of these people trying to explain how they made millions off that and you can have it too, as long as you pay.

They are playing on our need for money and fear of being hungry and homeless to do so.

I could have thumped one of my friends last year for inviting me to his house last spring only to walk into a pyramid scheme party!!

It was so pissed that I almost walked out, but I endured it, just not to hurt him.

Today I saw a job posting on my FB through on of my FB friends and this person used Donald Trump's name. I thought maybe Mr. Trump had a new show and needed a writer. I clicked on, you had to give your email and phone number~FYI~this is why I use a voicemail instead of my mobile or home number~and then it went to a page that said you have to make a 300 per month commitment and then you will be making 57,000 per month!

Wow!! Am I that, excuse me, fucking stupid? If I had 300 per month extra would I have even clicked on the link that said writing job? If I had 300 per month extra, wouldn't I invest into something that would actually help my writing career like a mentor, or writing class?

I am so upset by this and when I called the guy on it, he lied, right on his page and called it an opportunity.

So okay folks, here is an opportunity for you.

Please send me 300 per month, make that commitment and get all your friends to as well and I am sure we will all be rich by the end of the year~or at least I will..

I'm just sayin'! UGH

Socially Accepted Behavior

Today I was innocently walking my dog at half seven in the morning when I spotted him. I tried not to look, but I couldn't tear my own head from turning in his direction. Like there was a force bigger than me keeping my head turned towards him and I had to absorb all that was there to be seen.

He was a 60 year old man clearly suffering from delusions of grandeur when it came to his looks. I know that I think I look young, but I always try~try being the operative word here~to act age appropriate. This man was outside in a Speedo watering his lawn! The image of his wrinkled up body, sagging skin, gray hair on his back, his white socks half way up his calves and his throw-back sandals from the '70s will forever be burned on my brain.

You might think, aw that is sweet an old man just being himself.


He was not an old man, rather an older man, huge difference.

And to add serious insult to injury, when he noticed me he stood up, leaned arching his back displaying his "manhood" proudly in the 3.5 inches or so of spandex swimsuit that were the only defense between his body and the outside world, and ran his fingers through his hair in the manor of some young hot stud. Then, he smiled and. . . WINKED. . .at me.

As I was trying to recover from this experience I noticed a much more pleasant sight. On another block there was a 20 something, maybe early 30s, guy outside wearing a gray t-shirt and plaid flannel boxer shorts walking his dogs. He was also wearing a baseball cap, wide bright smile to greet me that went from ear to ear, and slightly red cheeks telling that he was a little embarrassed to be seen in his skivvies. Which is ironic because this man was gorgeous, like Abercrombie catalog gorgeous, young, and looked hot, but he had a sense of propriety.

It is amazing that two men outside at the same time of day could yield such different emotional and physical reactions from one woman, me and my dog.

What sucks is that I have to think hard to remember the hot guy, but that older man will forever be burned on my brain. *I shutter*

I'm just sayin' put some clothes on if you are pushing 60 and have to be outside~

Friday, September 25, 2009

Stories From Home

This is from an article/review of Gabriel Byrne's new doc, Stories From Home.
I copied it because I wanted to write a review of the actor, and his doc., but this person did a great job and pretty much summed up how I feel about the film, Gabriel and myself. The filmed moved me and stirred emotions that I haven't felt in years. Gabriel spoke afterward, and talked about "loss", which I know a great deal about. He said, "you are never the same after suffering loss, there is before loss and after loss". How I wish I didn't know what he was talking about, but I do and it meant something to me to hear that someone else knows EXACTLY how I feel. I too, just like the writer of this article, will watch this over and over and discover new things about myself in doing so.

Though provoking, personal and entertaining, I highly recommend you see this.


As I approach the end of this unbelievable year, I realize with some certainty and a bit of nostalic sadness, that while I will always love Gabriel Byrne, I am not the giddy fan I was last spring. My desire for him no longer soars to Himalayan altitudes nor does the certainty of living without him plunge me hopelessy downward. This does not mean he is forgotten, far from it. He is the picture in my head, tucked away in a place of easy access. Like a mental Blarney Stone, I touch him for good luck or conjure his image whever I feel the urge. But I have worn this adoration down from jagged, unmanagable peaks to smooth and rounded hills. When I think of Gabriel Byrne now, I am Tuscany. I am sunny and green and undulating. But there are still times when he can surprise me, he sneaks past the castle guards and comes crashing through my mental wall, leaving a big clumsy Gabriel-Byrne-shaped hole where a smooth white surface used to be. There are still times when he floats like a ghost into my field of vision, head tilted, smile tilted, eyes like those cartoon poker-playing dogs, big and sad and heart wrenching. I can set him aside most days, but he will always haunt me just a bit, there will always be moments where I can get distracted and get lost meandering in thoughts of his secret, inexplicable appeal.

After watching
"Stories from Home", I feel sure I am having one of those moments right now.

This movie has answered so many questions, not just about Gabriel Byrne, but about me as well. I do not mean this in an arrogant way. I do not mean to imply that I have the talent, the intelligence or the physical beauty of Mr. Byrne, but I see so many similarities between this man and myself and I bet I am not the only one on these threads to harbor thoughts like this. A long time ago, I said that I thought we were so attracted to him because we all wanted to be him, wanted to be beautiful and talented and special just like him. But now I think I may have been wrong. I suspect that many of us love him because we are like him
already. We have always felt that somewhere underneath all that beauty, intelligence and talent, there lived a sad, mistreated, self-destructive, soul; a soul that lacked self-confidence, that felt like a failure in personal relationships, that tried to navigate the murky waters of depression by reaching again and again for a bottle. Like moths to a flame, we can't stop trying to get closer to it, we recognize it because we live it and when we see it wrapped in such a beautiful, perfect package, it makes us all feel better about ourselves. It validates our own shortcomings to see one so perfect being so damn imperfect. We ache to gather him in our arms and keep the bad things away from him because we know it is what we want most in the world for ourselves. Our empathy is real and it is visceral. We feel his pain and confusion firsthand and when our heart breaks for him, it is breaking for our own selves as well. He is a stranger to us, as we are to him, yet some of us secretly believe his is our reflection, our twin, and in another life, perhaps he could have been our best friend and soul mate. I can see that this melancholy angel has done it to me again. He has sucked me back under his spell with this brilliant documentary of his life. Strangely, by exposing his mistakes and admitting his cowardice, he has demonstrated his extreme bravery. I'll probably watch this movie many times before I can successfully put it aside. In the meantime, I have to get busy patching. I have a big hole in my wall that desperately needs repair.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Good Wife off to a Good Start!

The Good Wife, CBS Tuesdays, is off to a good start. ER's Julianna Margulies, whose last role in a series, Canterbury's Law~never got off the ground, takes a chance with another lawyer role in this season's political/courtroom drama.

Margulies stars as Alicia Florrick, humiliated wife of Chicago prosecutor Peter Florrick, Mr. Big~John Preston~the ever so fabulous and still in style, Chris Noth, who has just landed himself in jail under a cloud of political and sexual scandals. In order to support her two children, Alicia returns to the workforce as a defense attorney in a prestigious law firm. Josh Charles, Matt Czuchry (Gilmore Girls) and Christine Baranski round of this cast.

I wasn't surprised equally as much as I was surprised to see Tony and Ridley Scott on the credits.

The show takes place in Chicago, but as far as I know is shot right here in Los Angeles, so keep your eye out for palm trees, CA plates, and skinny pizza. ;0)

I can recommend this to anyone who likes a good scandal and a courtroom drama.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Mac/PC Ads-Genius!

I wish I had written these! Brilliant

Monday, September 21, 2009

Afraid of the Canyons? STAY OUT!

Hello Los Angeles folks. Don't you hate it when you are trying to get from the Valley to Beverly Hills, West Hollywood, Santa Monica, West L.A., or anywhere "over the hill"~to be fair, in either direction, and some complete git pulls up in front of you on Coldwater Canyon (Beverly), Mulholland Drive, or Laurel (Crescent Hts) and goes about 10 mph??

I have to just scream about it for a second... are you ready?


So to those people that do that lemme say these words.


The freeways move nice and slow, so you should fit in perfectly. Most days during rush hour the freeways hardly move.

The thing is, I am not one to get road rage of any kind. If I make a bone head move like get onto the 101, the 5, the 405, the 134, or the 10 between the hours of 7-10 am or 4-7 pm, then I am prepared to sit and sit I shall. I turn up the radio, return phone calls (ON MY HANDS FREE), or whatever, just enjoy the ride. I don't get upset when I get cut off, I don't mind when someone makes a left turn too late on a red light. Usually, I am pretty laid back when behind the wheel.

But the one thing, the one thing that gets under my skin and drives me absolutely crazy is when people choose to drive on the canyons (and Mulholland) and go about 5-10 mph under the speed limit, slam on their breaks at every turn! For the record, I never go over the speed limit either. The Mario Andrettis of the world are another topic.

So I am begging everyone out there in L.A. to please don't drive on Mulholland or the canyons if you are afraid! Stay out, save yourself and people like me.

This is me, JUST SAYIN', stay out of the canyons!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

My Journey as a Hollywood Writer-new blog

I love this blog, but wanted to do more of a satirical blog about being a new writer in here it is:

Thursday, September 10, 2009

If It's So Damn Easy, You F***ing Do It

This is from an article, I Will Not Read Your Fucking Script.

~There's a great story about Pablo Picasso. Some guy told Picasso he'd pay him to draw a picture on a napkin. Picasso whipped out a pen and banged out a sketch, handed it to the guy, and said, "One million dollars, please."

"A million dollars?" the guy exclaimed. "That only took you thirty seconds!"

"Yes," said Picasso. "But it took me fifty years to learn how to draw that in thirty seconds."~

What is GREAT about this, is that so many people are always asking us artists to drawing for free, or low pay and their logic.. "it only takes a second"..If I had a dollar for every time some idiot out in the real world did this me, I would be rich beyond belief.

True story, a couple years ago I had been paid a 500 hundred dollars from a TV actor to design and draw a card for his friend and co-star. It only took me a day and one of my non artist friends was so insulted by it, she complained for days, "I can't believe you got paid that much"....I said, "okay you do it". She said, "but I can't draw." EXACTLY

My own sister, gave me a hard time for the amount I was paid for working on a series as a writer last summer. "I don't make that much in a month, and you are just writing, I mean, that is stupid."
Again, I retorted with, "okay you do it."

The point is, while the rest of the world clocks in 9-5, they all dream of doing something creative, but they can't, or they would be.

TV series are extremely hard. If you are working on an established series with characters already in place, you have to know them inside and out, how they walk, how they speak, what they think, what they feel and be able to convey that on paper in a way that not only the audience will enjoy if your idea makes it to the screen, but in a way that the showrunner or head writer will want to use you. It is a craft that takes time to develop yes, but the talent, the raw talent to be able to tell that story, that is something you are born with.

Now with art, it is the same. You can take class after class and work and get better, but the raw talent, that is a gift that you have and that is what sets you apart.

In animation not only do we have to make a great drawing, we have to have all the above mentioned acting described in how characters are in a tv show, we have to move this character, which guess what folks? That is drawing after drawing and they all have to work together.

These people that think that just because what we do is creative and therefore we love what we do, that we shouldn't be paid for it are so totally clueless.

I used two examples, TV series and animation because those are two things close to me, but all writing, all art, is the same.

So here is a word to all you in the real world. If it is so damn easy, you fucking do it~

I'm just sayin'