Monday, January 30, 2012

Isn't that Westie Cute?

AW isn't he cute? Beware, behind that adorable face is a monster! Okay not really, but the Westie is a big dog in a little dog's body and they are very smart-and demanding-and get into trouble. I had my Westie-Finnegan-the best dog in the world-I know everyone says that, but I speak the truth-for almost 14 years and I miss him so much it hurts. Lemme tell you this, while he was a GREAT little dog, BUT he had his own mind. He often did the following:
1.Kick me and let out loud sighs when I was on the phone (especially when he was little)
2.Changed the games at his pace and rules-like we would play toss the ball or toy and he would go along and then get bored and make up his own version-which I usually let him get away with after tricking him into thinking it was MY idea-no need to fuel that Westie confidence
3.Steal my pillows or place I was sitting and pretend to be asleep
4.Not come when called
5.Chewed everything until I told him, "not for Finn, or not for Westies"
6. Turned his back on me when he didn't get his way-this was my favorite, like he was punishing me
7.Bark or keep hitting things until I gave him attention (and keep in mind this dog was walked a min of 2 hours a day-even when a senior senior and I played with him every night)
8. Go on hunger strikes when he wanted something else

Do you get the point? Westies are great dogs, and mine was great but not because he came out that way-because I spent time training him from the time we brought him home until the day he died. I made sure he knew I was the boss-not him.
Westies LOVE to please their pets-as they see it-so it isn't too hard to train them, but let them get away with an inch and they will take a mile or more. I ALWAYS made Finnegan sit before anything and trust me this worked like a charm.
I didn't yell at him, but if he did something wrong I usually just IGNORED him-that worked-sometimes. Sometimes when I was working and he demanded-Westies don't ask and everything is on their schedule-my attention-I would just pick him up and kiss him all over-YUCK! He HATED that and if that didn't work I would suggest a "brushes" which usually got him to sneak under the bed until that nonsense was over.
He was a great dog and I know that because I had him since he was born. I am now about to rescue a Westie-you may be wondering, "why on earth would anyone in their right mind invite that kind of trouble?" Well you know, all dogs deserve to be loved and Westies in the rescue program are the ones who have been ignored-they aren't bad dogs-they are trying to get someone to PAY ATTENTION to them. Patience is something you must have to be part of a Westie's life-if you don't have that and lots of love and energy-then skip it.
People were always coming up to me and Finn-especially moms with kids-"Oh. My. God. he is so cute-I want one" To my usual response of "Do you have two hours a day or more to play, walk and exercise him? Good luck!" One of the many nicknames my Westie had was monster and I would always tell people, he is a monster, but his cuteness usually fooled them. I remember one time I was out of town and my roommate was watching Finn for the weekend and she called me saying "Your dog has been barking since 5 am" and I said, "well how long did you walk him?" I mean, a Westie is not like ANY other dog-you can NOT simply pee them a couple times a day and expect him to be okay. My Finnegan would take out every single toy and I would wake up in the middle of the night getting hit by them flying through the air. He would also throw his treats around and chase them. Baby proof the inside? No I WESTIE proofed it. Which meant-NOTHING lower than 4 feet-NOTHING that I didn't want chewed. He was pretty good with knowing what was his and what was mine-but every once in a while I would let him have the entire run of the apartment for just 5 minutes to come back to a shredded magazine and a guilty dog face staring at me like, "well you left it there."
I miss my Finn-Monster so much and I look forward to being the owner of another Westie someday-and I know it will be equally hard and equally rewarding.
For those of you thinking about getting one because they are so cute in that dog food commercial-seriously remember-that is television-just like actors aren't always the nice guy they play-Westies are not for amateur dog owners, but they are the best if you can handle them. :)

Friday, January 20, 2012

R.I.P. Finnegan 3/30/98-1/18/2012

On Wed I lost my Westie Finnegan to Westie Lung Disease. I had no idea he was so sick. He went from just having a slight cough to panicked breathing attacks and he was suffering. On Dec 12th, I took him to my vet for his 6 month senior wellness exam and mentioned that he had a little cough that had started that week. She took X-rays and did all the blood work. Everything came back good, even the X-rays, so we got antibiotics and cough syrup-which he hated. 10 days went by and he was still coughing, he got stronger ones and this is when I asked her "Do I need to be worried about this?" She replied with a firm, "No he's fine, it's just a cough."

He had NO other symptoms. The cough seemed to get better and worse, then the hard breathing started. I had to bring him in seems like every other day the first week of Jan and thousands of dollars of testing revealed that it was allergies. On the 12th he was put on steroids, and he felt back to normal for 3-4 days and I was so excited!

Then Monday last week-this week-the 16th he slid back into panicking and not being able to breathe. We spent the night in the hospital and then he spent the next day at my vet. When I got him at 6 pm she had made an appointment for me at the specialist. I brought my little man home that night and he was lifeless-refused to eat so I let him sleep. I stayed next to him and told him that I was sorry that I couldn't fix this and if it was his time I was giving him permission to go. His eyes weren't the same and I just gave him all my love. That night I slept a bit-out of sheer exhaustion-but he was restless and could hardly stand up. The next morning-the day he died-I picked him up to take him to the vet and he was lifeless just lying against my body. The specialists put him in oxygen and reviewed the 4 X-rays and notes we had. She came in and told me that my dog was dying and had what was called Idiopathic Canine Pulmonary Fibrosis-or Westie Lung Disease. She said she could do an ultra sound to confirm it wasn't his heart and on the off chance he had cancer. I asked her if it was anything else would he ever have quality of life and she said she hoped she was wrong, but in an almost 14 year old Westie it was more than unlikely.

In that split second I had to make a decision-do I end his suffering or be selfish and keep seeing him having these attacks? I asked her several other options about starting him on high steroids since last week he was back to his old self on the steroids-and she said it could work but he only had a matter of weeks and he would suffer because the breathing would continue to get worse. I asked her if it was his heart-even though there was no indication of that-would his lungs ever get better and she said no-the decision was clear even though I wasn't ready to hear it or say goodbye.

Around 12:14 pm they brought my sedated dog-my best friend, my everything-to the room and lay him on the table where he looked sad, and a little wasted. His chest wasn't contracting normal and he wasn't breathing right. I kissed his little nose and head and told him that I loved him more than anything. I then picked him up and cradled him in my arms as she administered the drugs that gave him relief of his pain and suffering. I know I did the right thing but it hurts so much.

I don't know how to live without him. He was a part of my life for almost 14 years. A month ago he was fine. I didn't get that last year or even months to know this was coming and am definitely still in shock. I feel like I am dying. People who haven't lost a pet don't understand how this feels, but it is just as strong, if not worse than the death of my own mother. I feel like a part of me died with him and I don't know how to go on. I can't bring myself to take down the babygate to my bedroom-where he stayed when I was out-I can't pack his toys-I can't seem to break the habit of wanting to walk him at certain times. I know it's only been two days, but I don't know how to get over-or through this. I won't ever get over it.

When I got him I always knew this day was coming and my dad was still sad over the death of my previous pet 4 years earlier and he said, "this dog will die some day" and I knew that, but the life I shared with him was worth it. I will get another dog. I am not me without a dog. I can't now. I am not ready, any dog now wouldn't be him and I would resent that dog. Finnegan was the best dog and I trained him well and he went to puppy kindergarten and day care and my best friend and then boyfriend was there to help me with those first two years. I don't think I could do that now with a new dog and I don't want to not be able to share a new relationship with another dog-but I feel empty without Finnegan. This is a pain that is impossible to explain and I have been all over my FB page talking about it-as therapy for myself, and my friends have been awesome, but I know that I can't go on like that forever as to some they don't understand pet loss and to others they don't want to hear it everyday. I thought I'd blog about it today-and even though today is worse than yesterday and yesterday was worse than the day before-I know at some point it will start going the other way and slowly the times of sobbing will be further and further apart and every time I look in my apt. I won't see my little dog. I can't wait to move out of this place though-we have only lived here since October of this year, but I just can't stand to be in here without him. I am trying to embrace the pain and grief-because usually I run away-that said, it's so hard and part of me wants to crawl into bed and die-part of me already has. I loved my little man so much. I don't know what happens to them, but I know that his suffering is over and that was the best I could do for him. He died in my arms and that is how I always wanted it to happen.


(This photo was taken on Jan 7th and he was having a good day-that was a new toy)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Sitting in Traffic? It Could Be Worse

In Los Angeles dealing with heavy traffic jams is a part of living; you either have to accept it, or be miserable. All the shortcuts on the planet wont help you avoid the inevitable-being stuck in traffic. Okay if you work 1 mile from your house and you never go out, then yeah you can avoid it, otherwise welcome to Los Angeles-deal with it.
I know more shortcuts than anyone I know, and people call and or email me all the time to find out how to save time or get around a wreck, so trust me, I'm an expert. I have lived all over Los Angeles from Valencia/Santa Clarita to the South Bay/Hermosa Beach. I have lived in Burbank and Glendale. I have lived in Sherman Oaks, and Studio City. I lived in Westwood, West Los Angeles, Brentwood, Santa Monica and Beverly Hills. I have lived in Playa Del Rey, Marina Del Rey, Manhattan and Hermosa Beach. I know this city. I constantly am going to Beverly Hills, or the WGA, or any decent agent in the city is in L.A. off Wilshire. I go to all the studios and have worked at most of them so at some point I have made the cross town drive in both directions during rush hour. My knowledge of this city is daunting. That said, I still get stuck in traffic because I live here, and that is part of the service.
Get my point? You will at some point get stuck in traffic and the way I see it, you can either get really upset and piss and moan that it took you three hours to get 16 miles, or you can accept it and be happy. Here is a little perspective, if you are stuck in that kind of traffic sometimes it's just that 17 million of us are all on the roads at the exact same time, but sometimes it's much worse. Someone has died, or multiple folks have died in an accident. They got into their car to go where ever they were going and never made it. You know how they say if you live in New York City long enough you will get mugged? Or if you live in Arizona at some point you will have Valley Fever? Well in Los Angeles you will see a horrible accident-either happening or just after it's happened. So the next time you are upset because you are inconvenienced by the parking lot that is the freeway-just think of the person who caused the mess you are in and have some perspective, it could be worse, you could be dead. In stead of being angry, try to have sympathy for those people involved. Every time I am stuck in traffic I always think that I hope there isn't a wreck and I hope no one has died. Just this morning I was stuck in 4 miles of a parking lot and it took about an hour to get through it, I was fearful of what I would see when I made it through, and thankfully it was nothing, just construction. Today was a good day.
Think about it and just be happy it isn't you who is hurt and hope that no one else is either and you'll find dealing with it will be easier. I also recommend, never leaving the garage with less than a half of tank of gas, water and sometimes a snack.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Happy Friday the 13th!

Happy Friday the 13th everyone. I usually have quite good luck on this day.

Lemme tell you, this year has sucked so far. I found out my job is going on an undetermined break that I was NOT aware of-if I had been I would have saved more from the last two months instead of paying last year's taxes off and I would have been looking for work as well. My dog got a cough in December and thousand's of dollars and tests and him suffering for almost a month we find out it's just allergies-that was yesterday, so the month is looking up, but still what a crappy arse first two weeks.

I am seriously always the type to look at the good and the good thing about a few crappy weeks is that it has to go up. Right? Right. When things are bad, that's the silver lining if you choose to see it. They will get better so you have something to look forward to.

So here is to hoping my job gets extended, or I get another one and wouldn't it be great if I found out today? Yes it would.

The chickens on here? Well I just like these chickens. The commercials are great and they always make me laugh so why not?
Have a great bad luck day!

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Stop Name Dropping-It's Pathetic

You know those people who are always bragging about who they have seen or talked to in the "industry"? You know the ones who go to a panel and all of a sudden they spent the night with Brad Pitt? I mean, seriously you want I want to say to these people?

Dear Name Dropping Poser,

You can't swing a cat in this town-and by this town I mean Los Angeles/Hollywood-center of the universe, (in most our minds), entertainment capitol of the world-without hitting a celebrity or two or more. They are everywhere, you know why? Because they work and live here. Stop your bullshit name dropping. It really makes you look stupid. We are all sick of your complete and utter bullshit. If you pay to go to a panel and then you brag about how you met a star, really? It's just sad. If you go out to eat and happen to be seated next to someone who stars in a TV show, can you really say you had dinner with them? Um, no!
I'm not talking about joking around, like if you watch three Tom Cruise movies and say on you FB status, I spent the night with Tom Cruise. Or if you say something my new husband Ryan Gosling....that kind of thing is an obvious joke, but when you are ALWAYS beating a dead horse to try to be more popular or show us all who you know, or hob-knobbed with at a Hollywood event, it just makes you look sad, desperate, and pisses us off!
I work in the industry and many of my friends do too, some are on TV, some are in films, some are famous writers of novels, some are grips-PAs-lighting-sound, etc... this is our business, it's what we do. Don't belittle our lives by bragging about seeing some celeb.
If you actually were friends with these people you claim to be so tight with you wouldn't be posting about it.
So my final words are, GET OVER YOURSELF YOU F***ING POSER!

I'm just sayin'

Monday, January 9, 2012

Living Like Jack Dawson Making It Count

Last week was an awful week for me and I let worry, fear, and dread get to me and it was not pleasant. So this is a brand new week and in a new week I am going to do my best to change my attitude and start living life like Jack Dawson-hopefully with a better ending.

If you wonder what I mean by that, I mean that I will still work hard and do everything in my power to change my life/financial/job situation, but I will adapt his atitude of enjoying every day and taking life as it comes and not freaking out every time things don't go as planned.

In the last 6 years I have been in this situation where a job ends earlier than I thought, or something falls through and it always works out, yet every time it happens fear creeps his ugly head in and starts freaking me out. I am done being afraid. I can't take much more of this, so besides working hard and changing my strategy, I am going to change my attitude and enjoy things more.

This summer I was in Seattle and one week in August I lost two jobs that I was counting on. One was an illustrator job that was going to take me all the way to Christmas and the other was a teaching job-both jobs fell through and I was in Seattle, far away from all my job contacts down here in Los Angeles and I was terrified. I met a friend for lunch and he said to me, "So what? So what if you get evicted? So what? You have good friends, you are smart, it will work out and you'll be alive and healthy." And you know what? I left that lunch feeling inspired. I went and got a day job at Trader Joe's, which I loved, but it didn't even cover the rent. What it did do was get me out of the house and it helped stretch the money I had in the bank until a bigger job came though.

Then I was offered my dream job to create a TV show. Now I thought it was going to be 18-20 weeks of work and then even longer-but the break would hit about then while we pitched. Turns out they decided to break sooner and then we'll go back and then break again. It's still be a great opportunity and I am thankful to have had it, but had I known I would have planned differently-that said, this is an opportunity for me to do something I wasn't otherwise going to have time to do and usually a new opportunity will come up for me in these situations.

Here I go, changing my attitude and living life like Jack Dawson.

"I mean, I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, I love waking up in the morning not knowing what's gonna happen or, who I'm gonna meet, where I'm gonna wind up. Just the other night I was sleeping under a bridge and now here I am on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life's a gift and I don't intend on wasting it. You don't know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at you... to make each day count."

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Mark Margolis for President-Nah That's Just Ron Paul

Is it just me or have we found the actor to play Ron Paul in the film version of how America screwed up the world?

Every time I see Ron Paul I think of the film Dinner Rush-that can't be a good sign.

Mark Margolis is one of my all time favorites, but he rarely plays a likable fellow.

Just sayin'

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Changing My Attitude

'If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.' — Maya Angelou.

So here I am in Los Angeles and I HATE the weather. I know most of the people in the world would switch places with me in a New York minute-anyone? Really? Have a flat in New York and hate the weather?-But I do not enjoy hot weather.

True most of Los Angeles, especially the west side-Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, Pacific Palisades, Manhattan Beach, West Hollywood, etc...has great weather-it usually doesn't go over 80 and doesn't drop below 50-40 overnight in the winter.

I don't live in that area. The part that I live in has Arizona-esque weather and it sucks and usually I piss and moan from mid January until December about how evil it is.

*If I could afford to live in Santa Monica, or Malibu, or somewhere "over the hill"-as well say in the Valley-I would.

This all said, I was in Seattle this summer and one of my FB friends complained every single day on his page about the cold-even on the sunny days-and this summer the PNW had tons-broke records even-and that was so beyond annoying that I decided he was like how I am here. Hating the weather so much that we can't even see when the weather we want shows up. So instead of complaining all the time I am changing my attitude until I can get my arse back to New York city-where it's freezing and you pay through the nose for 200 sq foot apartment.

I can't change that I live here right now, I can't change the weather-if I could I would be a bagillionaire-and so I am going to enjoy the awesome things that this city has to offer and be positive instead of negative.

This is a photo from Christmas on the beach. A Malibu rum drink in Malibu California where the water was gorgeous and the sky was blue and the sun was shining!

I'm changing my attitude and enjoying what I have and hopefully next year I'll be in gray, dark, cold and wet old New York.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Tassimo Tuesday!

Happy Tassimo Tuesday! I call it this because I am the proud new mama to a new Tassimo-well I know she is coming soon-due next week sometime. I am very excited. I will be getting all my coffee, cappucino and tea mugs ready for her arrival. I think I am going to name her Emmy-she is sweet, kind and makes great coffee. Please feel free to send gifts!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Not Resolutions-Goals

I don't usually do resolutions, but rather goals! My goals for 2012 are:

1. Never allowing myself to make someone a priority when they make me an option.
2. Not allowing other people's negativity get to me.
3. Not getting into any political or religious conversations on FB.
4. To stay positive even when things are hard.
5. To work on myself and finally let go of all the grief I have been lugging around with me for years.
6. To continue to pursue my dreams.
7. To get out more and hang out with friends more often.
8. To take days off and relax.
9. To go to more writing events and take more writing classes.
10. To surround myself with positive, happy, supportive people.

Cheers to 2012 being a great year!!

Happy Monday

Happy first Monday of the new year!
I know I was ranting yesterday, but it's just so hard to watch people starve themselves and brag about it on FB!
In any case, I have decided to keep my opinions here unless it's about something silly like loving a TV show or it's nice and cold outside, because I believe that even though people post all the time on FB they only do it so others will tell them how great they are. They don't want to hear that they are killing themselves, or that they have the facts completely wrong or even that someone disagrees with them. I mean I started this opinion blog for that reason, but I think I fell into the FB trap.
My new year's resolution is to keep my opinion to myself unless on my blog.
I hope everyone is having a great day so far and happy new year on day 2!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happy New Year-Let The Idiocy Begin

Okay, I am not one for "resolutions" per say, but if you have to do them-it's so trendy to do so-then at least use your brain.
Which leads right into my point and why I am writing this blog today. Happy New Year by the way-

Why is it that every new year women all over the world decide it's okay to starve themselves? Really ladies? You want to be treated like an equal and then you act like an idiot-yes an idiot-I said it and I'll say it again. If you are starving yourself you are being an idiot.

I don't mean those of you that have an actual eating disorder-and if you do-please get some help-as a past eating disorder person-I know how hard it can be, but you must get help.

I mean those women who insist on doing starvation cleanses and think that it's okay.
These cleanses are VERY VERY VERY DANGEROUS-do I need to say it louder? They are dangerous! Don't be stupid. How can a drink consisting of lemon and maple syrup be healthy?

Use your brain.

These women say they've done it before and or survived it, and or felt great-really? Well when I was starving myself I was 108 lbs and survived-so should I be anorexic again? NO! Of course not.
Losing weight on a diet does not make it healthy.

Why not just change your habits? Eat healthier instead of starving yourself? I don't need to "cleanse" (OMFG it's so Los Angeles I could just F-ing scream) because I eat healthy. Eat healthy, mostly plants and small portions-it ain't rocket science.

Doing a "Master-Cleanse" fast is beyond dangerous and you are making the rest of us smart ladies look like idiots. If you must do it, please stop subjecting the rest of it on your FB page-it's really hard to watch your friends killing themselves to be thin.

I wonder why in the '90s it was an eating disorder to behave like this and now it's the new rage? Well these are not the '90s or the '00s-fasting on a juice is so over.

UGH. Just sayin'