Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Cookie Theory. . .


The Cookie Theory!. . .and how I apply it dating. . .Know where this is going yet?

Okay, you know how you love cookies? You do, everyone does. I love cookies. I love them. When I have them they are breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, snack, dinner, dessert and snack again until gone, but then I feel sick and don't want to see "Cookie" again for a long time.

This is a fast and steady rule I have used in the dating world and every single time I have broken the cookie rule, that has been the end of whatever may have been.

You know, you have been eating cookies and you love them because they taste so good and then you are to the point of bliss and you think to yourself, I'll just have one more. . .then regret immediately sets in and you can't even look at Cookie again for a long time. Yes Cookie that you once couldn't get enough of and you even loved Cookie has now become the thing that turns your stomach. You no longer want to see Cookie, hear from Cookie and even bump into Cookie. Cookie is pushed away!

It is the same with dating. You meet someone, you hit it off, sparks fly, the chemistry is high and you have that first date or alone time and it is awesome-cut to fireworks-and then another date and still-amazing, then so on and so on. Well this is just like Cookie, if you spread it out, then yep, it works and you still want more. BUT beware if you see the person too much too fast you are destine to all of a sudden look at them and not want to be around anymore. Which is a shame, because just like Cookie, you could have had a long lasting relationship, and lots of fun.

I love cookies, I do and when I don't have them for a while, I crave them, I want them, and when I get them, I am happy. MMMMMMM....but if I indulge too much, then UGH..you know what I mean.

I have broken my cookie theory and ended up too full!

A relationship is like a cookie, it needs space to be awesome, missed and then well enjoyed!

I am just sayin', when you meet someone, use the cookie theory and you will always be happy.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Eyebrows Taking Over Thursday Nights!




Do you watch Flash Forward? Of course you do; it's amazing! That said, what is with Joseph Fiennes and his eyebrows? Last week's episode was a classic for this. Every single shot of him had his head titled down, brows down, or one slightly raised, and eyes up! It is a cartoon.

I think this week I will have my sketchbook in hand so I can sketch this stuff. It is classic and I am sure will be as over used as Tom Cruise's big smile and sunglasses or running scenes in his films. A trademark so to speak.

Joseph Fiennes and eyebrows will be synonymous and interchangeable.

People all over will be asking for the "Fiennes" when they go into salons, and directors will say, "do a Fiennes" when they want a serious though provoking look that requires the heavy brow!

Flash Forward to 6 months from now with all of America giving the "Fiennes" look!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Social Network Down! What Do I Do Now?

I have to laugh at my own stupid behavior because today for about 4 hours my Facebook account was down and I wasn't happy!

I use Facebook for everything! I use it to email my friends that I have their email accounts for. I use it to look for work. I use it to meet new people.

What did I ever do before Facebook?

Was there a before Facebook?

Seriously! How ridiculous is it that we depend so much on the internet for everything?

That said, I love Facebook. I love it. I love networking, I love reading my friend's political views, I love hearing what people did today, I love creating stupid status posts that mean nothing.

I am truly a Facebook whore and am so happy mine is finally back up and running~

Otherwise, what would I do?

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Spend For The Life You Want!


Know that saying "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have"? I love that saying and completely believe in it. Hence why I am an artist and a writer. I love hanging out in trendy clothes, yoga pants, colorful shirts, or whatever I am in the mood for!

I have a new twist on that one and I like to call it, "spend for the life you want"...because I believe that if you are always saying..."I can't, I am broke, I can't afford it" blah blah blah you are sealing your fate. While I am not buying a BMW anytime soon, or a new condo in Beverly Hills, I do believe a little spending is healthy.

I went to a screening of a show that I love last week and one of the cast members was talking about his wine company and immediately I perked up...WINE? What? Where? WINE? (Shut up, I don't have a problem...wine is made from grapes, grapes are fruit, hence it is good for you! I am just thinking of my heart) I was there and he was talking about his wine venture. I remembered the site and later than week, checked it out. The wine looked good and the description was so well written that I could almost taste it. I looked at the price, 45 bucks- and decided I must have a bottle of this wine! I must I must I must.

After emailing with this "Drop Dead" gorgeous wine vintner (I know, we can talk about a how a ridiculously good looking man can get me to spend money I don't yet have another time-that is another blog~but note: I am totally shallow and good looks are good looks~I'm just sayin)....I decided to buy! I created an account, added the bottle to my cart, was almost drunk with anticipation and then something completely weird happened, the transaction didn't go through~Someone somewhere doesn't share the same logic as me on spending, so I ended up not ordering it. Drat!

Defeated by a force bigger than me, I slumped into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of the $10 bottle I got from Trader Joes earlier in the week and it wasn't the same. It was as if the grapes knew I betrayed them for something more expensive and flashy....they didn't do their job, and it wasn't fun.

I thoroughly intend on buying one of these bottles and soon! I know that if I act, dress and spend for the job I want, it will come! It will!!

If I sit around and drink cheap wine, dress bad and never spend a dime all the while repeating that I am broke, that will be my destination. I am making a choice here!

Starting with the perfect glass of wine~

I'm just sayin'!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

There's One In Evey Crowd

You know this person, we all do. In each and every "group" function you attend, he/she is there just to remind you that in an otherwise insane world, you are not yourself crazy. . .well, not as crazy or annoying as this person.

Usually a little unconventional when it comes to looks, this person isn't a classic beauty, but still stands out.
Not the diva that comes to mind when you hear the word diva, but yet this person is always the center of attention.
The rules of basic behavior and conduct don't apply here. Manors are usually absent, and being rude is the standard for this one.

Yes you know them. Remember in your second grade classroom there was that one person that didn't quite fit in, but made your life hell and the teacher's as well?
You are in the movie theater and this person is either; switching seats every two seconds, and being loud about it, talking on their cell phone or commenting to the characters the entire film. Usually it is a combination of the three.
Something is always wrong in this person's life. The chair isn't right, the lighting isn't right, blah blah blah.

In a quiet lecture this person has their laptop out, which just happens to have the loudest keys in the history of the world and they are tap tap tapping away.

They are moving chairs and taking up three spaces during seminars.

They haven't ever heard of a trash can and insist on tossing wrappers behind them when they are finished as if the public room you are in is their own personal waste paper basket.

The spill their drinks and don't even attempt to clean it up, but rather, move again, to yet another chair.

They always ask the most moronic questions which always have many levels and parts to them, just so they can hear themselves talk.

So I wonder, why? Why? How? How do these people make their way in the world and why is it that you all know exactly who I am speaking of?

Because there is one in every crowd.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Storm Watch!

One of the funniest things about living in Los Angeles is that whenever there is one tiny little cloud, it is called "Storm Watch", and whenever it drops below 80 degrees people all over town start freaking out about the cold weather.

I seriously wonder how this city would survive if it actually rained for more than a day and or stayed in the near freezing temps for more than just two days in Jan, between 2 and 4 am only.

Hello Angelinos~ 69 dgrees is NOT freezing, nor is 70, 71, or 75! You do not need to crank up the heat and put on your winter clothes.
One dark cloud is not a 'storm'. Rain that falls is not a storm just because it is raining.

It's like we are living in a fictional city ala The Truman show, and when anything changes beyond the 80-100 sunny sunny sunny, the people inside this bubble don't know what to do.

It would be comical, but if you live here you know that when it rains all hell breaks loose. There are wrecks all over the freeways, canyons, and side streets. People start complaining about the STORM, and the grocery stores get packed with people. You would think it was the end of the world. There are live updates all day long on the TV. "Storm Watch 2009" and usually this contains a report like- A dark cloud was spotted over the inland empire and it looks to be moving towards the city- Oh no, it's moving towards the city~ It isn't Godzilla, relax.

Why do people from L.A. start complaining like they are in Wisconsin when mid October hits and it gets a tiny bit gray for a couple days? The temp settles in around 60-70 in the city, 70-80 in the valleys and every single person in L.A. starts whining about "There is no sun! Sun come back!" Seriously folks! And these people are usually the ones who live over the hill on the west side by the ocean and they will complain all day about not having sun, when they could just drive over the hill and in 20 minutes be in a hot sunny area known as the San Fernando Valley!

Also, why can't people in this city drive when the roads are wet? Why? Is it really so hard?
I find there are two types of people for the most part when it comes to rain and driving in Los Angeles.

1) "I am from back east, days like today are sunny where I'm from, it's easy" and they drive too fast trying to prove how skilled they are at driving in "weather". What these morons don't take into account is that in LaLa Land, the rain never comes, but the smog and pollution does, so we get a slick of oil on the roads, speeding is not smart!~

2) "OMG! It's raining, I can't drive in the rain!" natives that will go 20-30 miles under the speed limit because they are so afraid and usually they aren't even using their windshield wipers. That thing attached to your steering wheel on the right side that you hang charms and assorted spiritual crap from, that thing controls the wipers that clear the rain from your windshield~USE IT~

So I write this blog today because I have to go out a lot this week for various networking events, and hope that people in L.A. will get a grip, because it is not the storm of the century, if we are lucky we will get a couple days of much needed rain.

I'm just sayin'.....Storm Watch is coming beware of the Angelinos and enjoy the rain.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Can We Please Date?


I am so impressed that you race through back streets, school zones and parking lots. I love that your car car costs more than most people make in FOUR YEARS.

I wait anxiously just hoping to see you round the corner everyday pretending to drag race with the middle aged woman, but she doesn't even notice you by the way, at the stop light.

I love hearing the roar of your engine, tires screech, and music blasting.

Your gray hair and comb-over are simply gorgeous. You are definitely the coolest guy around.

A sort of Mario Andretti and this is the Grand Prix.

The only thing that I haven't seen is your teeny tiny dick, but it is so obvious that I really hope you ask me out soon.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Letter To My Sandwich


Dear Grilled Cheese Sandwich,

I just wanted to say thank you for being so yummy and keeping me full during these hard economic times. You are always faithfully there ready for lunch, or a snack, and sometimes breakfast. The way the cheese melts between your two slices of bread, make you irresistible to walk away from and impossible to ignore.

I love you completely with my whole heart. You were the only one who helped me through my college years when I was just new to the adult world. You helped me make the transition back into eating after quitting acting. You guided me through many a late night working in animation those first few years. Now you are back to help me survive through this hiatus.

I will always be grateful that you are there, cheap and easy. Your ability to keep me full for an entire week and yet not requiring that I empty the piggy-bank to do so means more than I can ever express. I believe that we will be seeing a lot of each other in the next few weeks until I start working again and for that I am forever appreciative.

Thank you so much for everything you are and everything you do. I love you forever, my grilled cheese sandwich.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Is It Just Me?


Or does it drive everyone else crazy that people still text and drive? Am I such a geek that I follow the rules? WTF? Are these people immune from the law?

Don't you hate it when you are driving along at normal~5 mph faster than the posted limit usually~and all of a sudden the car in front of you slows down or stops, or weaves and then when you finally pass this moron they are texting?

Or even worse you are in the car with someone on the freeway and they start texting someone while changing lanes? Now Mr. Dumblefuckson is putting my life at risk as well. What could possibly be so important?

Why? Why? Why? I seriously have no idea what is going on in the obviously tiny little brains that these people have. What is so important that you must text while in a 3000-4000 pound car going 80 on the freeway? Please someone enlighten me, or I will never understand this kind of behavior.

Are you a rebel?

Are you really just that stupid?

Do you not care about other people or yourself?

Is the world about to end unless you answer that text at that very moment?

Are you receiving high level, top secret text messages from the gov?

NO!!!!

Next time I see you I am going to reach into your car, grab your phone and chuck it out the window but not before thumping you with it!

I'm just sayin'!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Three Places That Shouldn't Allow Me To Enter. . .





Anthropologie, Barnes & Noble and Starbucks!

I am on "hiatus" or "between gigs" which if you read my other blog, you know is Hollywood speak for unemployed, so spending money on anything that I don't need isn't the wisest approach to fiscal sanity over the next few weeks until I start work again.

Do I really need an awesome-multi-colored-very-bohemian-yuppy-scarf when it is 105 outside with no sign of dropping below 80 for months?

Do I really need another novel, especially because 5 that I ordered from Amazon haven't even arrived yet and I have a stack of about 10 more at home that I haven't started yet?

"My name is Stephanie and I am a book-a-holic!" Being a novelist myself is an excuse~"it's research! The author is a friend of mine! I love the tv series! It looks so good! I don't have a new novel with me right now!"

And finally, Starbucks. Coffee isn't just coffee anymore and yes people do take about 10-15 minutes to think about all the different ways they can get their fix at $5 a pop! Do you know how far $5 can stretch in terms of coffee?

I think that due to my severe addiction, I need to go into rehab immediately~ Do not pass Rodeo Drive, The Grove, The Beverly Center or Century City Mall~Do not spend $200. Anyone know if Promises has a "shop-a-holic" wing?

Have I turned into one of my all time favorite literary characters~Becky Bloomwood?

Okay, well. . .as I write this blog, I think of our president~ Barack Obama. I am sure that he would applaud me because I am helping the American economy bounce back. Sure, I don't have an income persay, at the moment, but I definitely helped the country today. So. . . I guess it wasn't so bad and therefore I take back everything I just said.

Go directly to Rodeo Drive, The Grove, The Beverly Center and Century City Mall and spend $200!