Wednesday, November 25, 2009

There Is Hope

I have been going over and over and over what happened and can't make sense of it. I know the stats, I saw the film, I have read tons about this bridge, but it still sucks. I talked to her and I couldn't help her. I hope she is okay where ever she is now. I hope that it didn't hurt too much when her body slammed into the icy water 245 feet below. I wish that she had considered for a moment that her life did matter.

I had posted all over one of my Facebook profiles, but took it all off today. I am pretty messed up about it and think that I needed to talk, or type, or whatever. I am having nightmares and wonder if this is how people feel when they lose a stranger all the time. Is there always such an overwhelming feeling of guilt?

I went to the spot (79) that she was standing and ultimately jumped from today and it felt cold and dark even though the sun was shining bright.

It is so sad that people do this all the time and I hope that someday I can make a difference for someone else, because I didn't for her.


  1. You cared about her, and that is something really special.
    I'm not sure if you left your name with the 911 or the police, but a few years ago my brother was driving on PCH and witnessed a really bad crash, he called 911 and waited with the young woman in the car who was pregnant, and he was with her while she died. The young woman had taken a ride home with a drunk driver. It helped her family a lot to speak to my brother. They were happy to know that she wasn't alone. There was nothing he could have done to save her, but it helped her family to know that someone cared about her.

  2. I gave them my name. They called me back asking, "where is she?" because they took their sweet time getting there and she had already jumped.

    The thing is yesterday you couldn't swing a cat on that bridge w/o hitting the bridge/suicide patrol, but on Monday there was no one watching. Why they don't have someone there every single day is beyond me, especially because supposedly someone jumps at least once every ten days. It is a small price to pay to save lives.

    Thanks for the message.