Skip to main content

To My Father


My father is dying. I am really sad, but also it will be the end to his suffering. Almost 6 years ago he suffered a massive heart attack and brain damage, but being the strong man I remember him as he survived. He now lives in a nursing home in New England because he needs constant 24/7 care. Today they called me and told me that my 220 lb strong father now weighs less than I do and he can't stand on his own. He can no longer swallow. He needs help going to the bathroom and the end is very near.

His body has been slowly letting go for years as his mind has been the mind of a child-sometimes there and sometimes not.

Dementia is what it is called, and every time I have spoken with him has been hard. There have been days when he didn't know who I was and days when he did, or a couple years ago I called him on my birthday and he said, "It's your birthday, no shit my daughter Stephie is turning 8 today." Sometimes I can't understand him at all.


I am tortured by the fact that I can't be there. I have also been drowning for 6 years. With the recession I am working freelance and never know when the next job is coming and or for how long or how much it pays so I haven't been able to visit my father and I will regret that forever. I have been looking for work in New York City so I am closer to him and in the mean time, he thinks I visit-so I guess for him, he doesn't know that I am not there. I send him cards every other day just so he doesn't forget me and always knows that I am there with him in spirit.

So to my father I say the following: (Even though he can't read on the internet and has no idea)

I love you and think of you every single day. I am with you in spirit and my heart will always hold a part of you in it. I am truly your daughter in every sense of the way, especially all the sentimental ways that you passed onto me. I am dreamer like you were and I am strong like you were. I can't be there with you now, but please come see me when you pass over and never forget for a second how much I love you.

Just sayin'

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And It Continues-This One Paid $.50 (cents) Per Drawing!

And it continues.. what is wrong with people?  "54 simple illustrations needed. Small files for web use only, either 300 x 300px square or 460 x 300px rectangle.Will provide font, sample finished product and detailed instruction sheet. Paying $0.50 per .JPG " yeah that's 50 cents!! I saw another one yesterday from New York area that is paying $4 per hour, isn't that illegal in this country, guess not.. I don't understand, a couple days ago I was approached to do someone's book. I gave him a fair price, meaning I quotes less than a day's wage per page and he replied back with insults saying he knows for a fact that illustrators get $5 per page, yes 5 bucks.. he is insane. What is worse is that he wanted fully rendered like hand painted work that would take more than a day.  This happens all the time. I don't understand why the value of an artist isn't valued anymore.  Look we can draw and you can't so pay us a fair wage!! I don'...
7 comments
Read more

Twilight Saga: Why Does It Bother You So Much?

Lately there have been tons of posts slamming the Twilight franchise and how much money it has made and I don't understand WHY? People have actually been saying that, the world must be over, or that people are too stupid now to watch good films. REALLY? Why? I want to know why does this bother you? First of all, the films, just like the books, are great. The stories are solid, the acting is fine, the directions is good, it is what it is, a VAMPIRE STORY. You have to suspend disbelief and get into that world to enjoy it. It isn't reality folks, it is fiction. As well, why are so many men, especially grown me, threatened by Edward? Last year several of my friends were calling him a pedefile, WTF? Really? I mean, really? How stupid is that? Here is a 17 year old that is in love with a 17 year old. Only thing is, Edward (Robert Pattinson) will never get older. I just don't understand why people are so upset. They only thing I can think of is that they are jealous that they are...
3 comments
Read more

Seattle Doesn’t Get That Much Rain

I pulled this from an article I just read. I found out that Seattle doesn’t really get that much rain compared to most U.S. cities. In fact, Seattle ranks 44th among major U.S. cities in average annual rainfall, getting approximately 38 inches annually. Cities that get more rainfall than Seattle include such as Houston Texas (48 inches), New Orleans (60 inches), Mobile AL (65 inches), Memphis (52 inches), Nashville (48 inches), and pretty much every major city on the eastern seaboard, such as New York (43 inches), Philadelphia (41 inches), Miami (58 inches), and Boston (44 inches) Here is the thing about Seattle. The weather is perfect. I lived there and while it does rain more than Los Angeles, it is not a rainy place, not like New York, or Vermont where I swear unless it is snowing it is raining. Pissing down rain actually. In Seattle when it rains, it clears up and sunshine is there. So why not call it the sunshine state? Oh cuz Florida-which actually has more ...
2 comments
Read more